I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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