sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
