Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
