There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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