Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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