i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
