You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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