Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
