the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
