Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
