I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
