The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
