i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
