How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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