no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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