I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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