her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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