Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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