1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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