Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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