Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
