you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
