no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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