hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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