the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
