I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
