I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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