He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if only i could text you this smell
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize