I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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