the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
