Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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