pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
