My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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