You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
