there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
