when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
