2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
