And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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