the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
