I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I did not marry a roomba.
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