barbara walters just said penis...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
