Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
