I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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