Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
