No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
