If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
