No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
