i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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