just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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