then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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