The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
