dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
