At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
