Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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