Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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