Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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