My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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