we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
