I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
