you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
