I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
