You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
