Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
