Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
