I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
