my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
