btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
